Five Steps to Grieving Well

Grieving well is important after suffering a significant loss. Grieving allows us to grow and adapt to the loss. There are several steps that are essential to good grief.

Acknowledge the loss.

Notice the hole in your life. Notice what is missing in the day to day. Notice the ways the loss is impacting you. This involves remembering the good times and past experiences that can never happen again. It is a time to consider hopes and dreams that cannot come to pass.

For example, if you have lost a loved-one, you have not only lost them but the hope and dream of what might have been. Perhaps the relationship was strained, and this never resolved. The chance to reconcile has been forever lost, you have lost the person and the hope.

Accept the loss.

The loss has happened and you cannot change it, as much as you might want to. You may get stuck asking: Why? How? What could I have done? None of these questions will reverse the loss. They often prevent us from facing reality and accepting the loss we have suffered.

Feel the loss.

Grieving is a time to drop your guard and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Try not to hide your grief. Do not give in to feelings of embarrassment. This is not a time to make yourself appear to ‘have it all together’. Cry. Feel angry. Smile. Laugh. Let out some emotion.

If you are struggling to feel and release emotion, you can try connecting with your emotions through art, music, and other means. For example, try watching a tear-jerking movie. Listen to music that speaks to your experience. Talk to someone who is sharing the loss. Punch a boxing-bag. Spend some time in nature just sitting still. Try different experiences that connect to you emotionally.

Adjust to the loss.

Take the time to look at what has changed and what will change in your life. There might be financial decisions to make. Or belongings to remove. Perhaps there are appointments to cancel. Maybe there are changes to make in living arrangements.

There might be people to ask for help and support during this time of transition. Sharing your experience and listening to the experiences of others can be extremely encouraging and helpful during this time of adjustment.

Invest in life after the loss.

Although it may feel like your world has ended, there is a new reality waiting for you. Consider proactive steps you can take to grow and create a fulfilling life.

Perhaps there is a hobby or interest you always wanted to do. Perhaps it is time to join a new social group. Maybe it is time to cut back on some commitments and free time for yourself. Perhaps you might consider a new job. Maybe you need to spend more time with family and those you love. Investing in life will bring you fresh purpose and meaning, without denying the loss.

The wound of grief is not comfortable. But ignored grief becomes a wound which cannot truly heal. Good grief allows healing, even if a scar might remain.

If you need help on your grief journey, Integro Health is here to help. We exist to help you think well, feel well, and live well. And to grieve well.